The Price for Being Saved
by bluelily3
Summary: Baby Potter and James have been killed, but somehow Lily has survived. She is spirited away to Hogwarts by Severus. Voldemort is still in his power, and furious. He is searching for the man who betrayed him. Lily's memories have been tampered with, but alongside Severus, she slowly gains them back. What will happen when she discovers his part in Voldemort's plan? (AU) CHAP 2 UP
1. Chapter 1

Everything was in bits and pieces. The cold, the dark and the rain. A flash of orange light with a pumpkin smile. Then, somehow, flying. She could feel the rain pelting her face. Strong arms had been holding her, keeping her safe. James? No. The smells and sounds of this man where different. His voice had whispered to her. "Almost there, Lily." The words were broken up into pieces, trembling. Was he frightened? Who… She couldn't remember beyond that. When she tried to touch the fuzzy spot in her memory, she could only flinch away from it. Broken and full of pain. A deep, deep loss.

Sunlight was what finally woke her up. Lily sat up in a warm bed. Everything seemed so white and crisp. It contrasted with the dark thoughts in her mind. She looked around at an empty room. There were only beds, separated by long curtains. As she looked harder, her mind unlocked the memory of this place. The hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey. Hogwarts. The thought of being back in Hogwarts soothed her. Her body relaxed back on to the pillows. She almost closed her eyes again, when she heard soft footsteps. The gentle smell of poppies wafted around her, and she felt a soft hand on her forehead.

"Ah, your fever is gone at last. You dear, dear girl." The voice brought memories of her late gram...she tried to focus...but it seemed a million miles away. Her green eyes opened again. The old nurse, Madame Pomfrey was standing over her. She was smiling sadly.

"I have some tea for you, dear one. Drink up." She whispered.

Lily nodded and sat up straighter. When her fingers curled around the warm cup, the darkness in her mind faded. Her lips touched the liquid, and the aroma of cinnamon and cloves soothed her. As soon as it slid down her throat, she grew weary again. Her head sank into the pillows and she could vaguely feel the tea cup leaving her hand. The last sound she heard before she drifted into sleep was a deep voice. It lead her into the dream again. The one she had been trying so hard to forget.

"She's still not well, Severus." Madame Pomfrey insisted.

"Her fever is gone, but I daresay, if you are the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes, it may all come back to her in a hurry."

Severus nodded sadly. He knew this, but somehow he could not stop himself from making his way up to the medical wing every day. He was glad to see the pink flush of her cheeks was more natural this time. She looked peaceful for once. But as he stood there longer, her expression changed. Her eyebrows jumped together, and her mouth twisted. She started to thrash around, and her voice was a strangled whisper.

"No...no… James...not my...baby...Harry...please no…"

Severus took a step backward at the names. Pomfrey was indignant.

"Here now! See what you've done? I've just got her calm for the first time, and you've spoiled it. Away to your dungeons, Severus!"

His face, usually so calm, was riddled with pain. He had saved her...but to what end? He looked at her for a moment longer before Madame Pomfrey started waving a large bottle at him.

"Out, I say!"

He swallowed hard and bowed his head. Then he whisked away from the room. Lily's face relaxed and Pomfrey was at her side, wiping away the fresh tears before they could dampen her pillows.


	2. Chapter 2

"Lily?" He was small, out of breath. "Lily?" He said again, this time, louder. His voice was drowned out by a deep thunder clap. He was running, stumbling through the woods. He could feel the air around him, humid and charged with energy. The wind lashed out at the trees. Then a flash of light pierced the sky. He was blinded. Wiping the rain out of his eyes, he was about to call for her again, when he heard a scream. Then more thunder drowned it out. His heart leapt into his throat.

"LILY!" He screamed, his voice raw and tortured. He could still hear her screaming, and he was sure that she had been struck by the lightning. But where was she? The tree branches whipped out at him, blocking his view. He tried to control them, but his wand was not in his pocket. Then, Lily's screaming stopped. He grew dizzy with fear. This was worse than not hearing her at all. Suddenly, he wasn't a child anymore. The forest struck out at his long black robes, and the rain pounded his taller frame. His dark eyes were still searching, searching. "Lily, oh, Lily…" He groaned.

At last, he saw a sign of her. Caught up in a flailing fern plant was a bright ribbon of her hair. When he reached out for it, he could feel nothing. It was still there, but it eluded him. Giving up on it, he kept searching for more of her. After what seemed like hours, he saw something protruding from a low bush. It was white and pale. It twitched. His stomach gave a lurch when he realized it was her hand. With all his strength, he tried to walk towards it, knowing the rest of her body would be laying there. But his legs felt as if they were mired in treacle. He couldn't move anymore. The wind and rain were relentless, and as he keep struggling, he could hear a voice. It was high and cold. It mocked him.

"Never." It whispered.

He sat up in bed, gasping. A thunder clap shook the stone walls of the dungeon. His heart pounded so hard he felt sick to his stomach. The air around him was bitterly cold. A lightning storm in the middle of November? Someone must be messing around with the weather again. As he leaned back into the pillows a heavy sigh escaped his lips. Three weeks. For more than half a month, Lily had been in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he would be there when she awoke, but she didn't recognize him. Her eyes were clouded over with pain. All she seemed to acknowledge was the fact that James and her son were gone. He didn't blame her, really. If he had a family, he would also mourn them. However, the only person he had ever loved was her. For awhile, when they were children, she _was_ his family. And when she had drifted away from him, it was almost like she _had_ died.

Poppy mentioned to him that she would wake up soon for good, but she might not remember everything. Her brain had undergone a massive trauma. It didn't surprise him at all. He recalled how she had been when he had flown away with her that night. She had lost something inside, the moment she had seen them dead. He had tried to stop her from going into the house...but Voldemort had already been there. He knew that for the rest of her life, she would be cursing herself for going out to get more candy for the children. Bitterly, he wondered why James had let her go out alone. Perhaps she had been out with a friend. Either way, she was alive, and they were not.

While she was in this state of mind, Severus was doing all he could for her. He brewed potion after potion. Some were to ease her mind and help her rest, others were to make things more clear. With a balance of both, he trusted that she would come around soon. But what would be left of her? What if she had lost her mind? He pictured her in a room at St. Mungo's and shuddered. No. He wouldn't let that happen. He would bring her back somehow. He had failed her many times as a friend. He wasn't about to again. Suddenly, he wanted to see her again. The urge was so strong, he pushed back his blankets and sat at the edge of his bed. He realized that he was still wearing his day robes. He hadn't even undone any of the buttons. Just as he was about to stand up, he felt a flash of pain so intense he bit back a curse. It started at his wrist, and radiated out. Soon his whole body felt like it was on fire. He gasped and pulled up his sleeve. His dark mark was pulsing red. Voldemort had finally summoned him. He was a little relieved, but it was tinged with fear. After he had rescued Lily, he wondered how he would stand with his status as a Death Eater. Lily had been out when Voldemort had killed them, but he still wanted her dead as well. He knew of Severus's feelings for her, and thought them amusing. He used to tease him about it. He was the only Death Eater who knew love, he would say. Severus knew that wasn't true. Lucius, though he was a cold, arrogant bastard, still harbored deep feelings for his wife. He had seen proof of that throughout his relationship with him. He always seemed to protect her. She had never been made a firm part of their inner circle. She didn't bear the mark. And now they had a child that they doted over. The Death Eaters were all human. Not all of their hearts were as dark as the Dark Lord's.

When he couldn't stand the pain anymore, he reached into a deep pocket among the folds of his robes. With one hand (his other was in too much agony to move) had retrieved a narrow bundle. He unrolled the grey leather fabric onto his bed, and grasped the wand from its niche. He kept many other tools in this wrap, mostly related to potion-making. The pain was so intense, he just wanted to take his wand and leave the rest of it behind. But he knew better than to come unprepared. With one hand, he painfully rolled the leather up again and tucked it back into his robes. By now, his whole body was trembling, and he could feel a cold sweat rolling down his spine. If the Dark Mark was left unanswered for more than five minutes, the owner of it would suffer more and more intensely until their heart stopped. His own was beating dangerously fast. Gritting his teeth to keep from screaming out, he touched the tip of his wand to the mark. The pain vanished, and he felt his body disapparate.

With a crack, he appeared right in front of Voldemort. They were in the sitting room of the old Riddle mansion, next to a flickering fire. His tall pale form rose from a chair as he appeared.

"Severus. What took you so long? You have never made me tarry before when I summoned you." His red eyes bored into Severus, making his stomach churn. Usually, he was not afraid of him, knowing he was in his good graces. But this time, he was unsure. He felt a flicker of emotion, but locked it in before it showed on his face. At the same time, he let his mind go blank, an empty page that the Dark Lord could not read.

"My Lord, forgive me. I was woken from a deep sleep, and it took a moment to gather my wits. I wanted to come before you with a clear mind."

"Ah, I see." His voice was tinged with something Severus was not used to hearing, at least not directed at him. He sounded dangerous. Looking around, he noticed that he was the only one who had been summoned. To drive the point home, Voldemort motioned to a seat, while he himself remained standing. Reluctantly, Severus obeyed.

"I almost feared you weren't coming."

"My Lord-"

He was interrupted as Voldemort's white hand cut through the air.

"Enough. I have not finished speaking yet." Severus's heart skipped a beat. Never before had the Dark Lord sounded so angry with him.

"You have put yourself in an unfortunate circumstance, Severus. I have lost some of my faith in your loyalty to me." Severus swallowed, letting him finish.

"I have heard some disturbing news about you... " He trailed off, pacing the room. He whipped around suddenly, catching Severus's eye.

"Is it true...that after I murdered Potter and his infant son...that Lily somehow escaped?" His voice was deadly. Severus tried to keep his mind from running too fast. He was wary of it being read like a book. After a pause he replied,

"Yes, my Lord. Lily Potter is still alive. Was she not at the house when you Apparated there?" He said, innocently.

"No, Severus. She wasn't there. And I have heard, from a very reliable source, that she is now in Hogwarts. Is this true?" He leaned very close to Severus, searching his dark eyes.

"Yes, that is true. I've heard she is in the infirmary. But I know nothing else." He kept everything blank, his thoughts and his emotions. For a few moments, Voldemort was inches away from him, and he could feel his hot breath stirring his hair.

"How, I wonder, did she get there?"

Severus's eyes stayed on Voldemort's and they remained as stone, hard and unreadable.

"Albus retrieved her, taking her to Hogwarts."

"Why?" Voldemort whispered.

"He has his own reasons. She was a part of his Order for years. He must have heard she was in danger. Why he wants to keep her there is none of my business." His voice was firm, unshakable.

"So...you had nothing to do with her rescue? Absolutely nothing?" His eyes were like that of a snake, and Severus could feel them battling to control his mind.

"No, my Lord. I did not assist him."

Voldemort drew back then, considering. He walked across the room, standing in front of the fire. His narrow back was tense with more unanswered questions.

"I'm not a fool, Severus. I know of your ridiculous feelings for her. If you have in anyway been a part of this, I shall find out."

Severus was astounded that Voldemort hadn't fully taken his word for it. Had he really broken his faith with him so severely? He must patch it up before it was too late.

"My Lord. I have harbored feelings for Lily for years. But that was in my younger day. I assure you now, she is nothing to me. Ever since she objected to me becoming a Death Eater, I have had nothing to do with her." He bit his lip behind Voldemort's back. Had he said too much? He was afraid he had given too much away with those last sentences. They had practically screamed out "I am faithful to you, Lord!" something only a unloyal follower would say. But, thankfully, Voldemort had a slight weakness for flattery. He turned around, and his expression was amused.

"Ah, Severus." He came around to him, laying a hand on his black-clad shoulder.

"We can't have that, now, can we? No woman should have your devotion as strongly as I do. It serves her right, to be cut out of your life." He then turned around again.

"But...I am still not comfortable that she is at Hogwarts. What if Dumbledore makes a teacher out of her? The influence she could have… A Gryffindor, nonetheless. That House has always opposed me. They are all too damn brave for their own good. Ah, well." He sighed. "At least I have you stationed there to influence the Slytherins. It seems that it's working out well. Many of my Death Eaters say their children are doing well under your tutelage. Even if you still haven't been allowed to teach them the dark arts yet."

"I will see Albus about that, My Lord. He is under the impression that we are close. He may make an exception for me. After all, the children at Durmstrang learn it, do they not?" He smiled craftily, and Voldemort returned it with a wicked laugh.

"Yes they do. Very clever little devils they are. I like our chances for the future, with children such as those." He laughed again, a high keening sound. Then he flicked a hand out at Severus. "You may go now, Severus. I will call you again within the week. I have some more business for you to attend to. Remember to come quickly next time. The Dark Mark is not made to be ignored, and...if I want to, I can always strengthen the curse on it." Severus stood up, bowed low to him, and then Disapparated.

In the depths of Lily's foggy mind, she saw a face forming. Unlike before, this face was not James, nor was it baby Harry. It was still rather young...and so familiar to her. She felt herself moving closer. Her step was quick and limber. She was a child again. The face was pale and small. It was Severus when he was twelve-years-old. His dark eyes were brimming with tears. She felt a strong urgency to help him.

"Oh, Sev." She whispered. "What's wrong?" But he just shook his head, and turned from her. She latched onto his arm.

"Wait! Tell me what's wrong. Did someone hurt you?" Her voice was soft. She had always been gentle with him, even when he didn't deserve it. Sometimes he had made her mad, it was true, but she had always turned back to him. There was something in him that cried out to her. So vulnerable...yet so brave. It was as if he was fighting an internal battle, every day.

She came up behind his small frame and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Please, Sev. Let me help you." He turned around then, and the look in his eyes was horrible. It was as if he had witnessed something unspeakably wrong. They drifted down, resting on his arm. Slowly, painfully, he drew his sleeve up. A bright red mark flared out at her. She knew without a doubt that it was a Dark Mark. But how? They were only children. He was just a boy. She stared at the mark, so bold on his tiny pale arm. He was crying again, and making agonizing sounds. She folded him into her arms then, and he sobbed and sobbed.

She woke up with a start. The room around her was the pale pink of dawn. She blinked slowly, remembering where she was, and why she was there. But this time, the memory was not as sharp. She still felt immense pain, but it felt easier to handle now. She sat up slowly. There was someone in the room, close by. Was it Madam Pomfrey? No. She felt him before she saw him. A few feet away from her bed, he was slumped over in a chair. Severus. His eyes were closed, his breathing deep. Amused, she smiled. This was the first time she had ever seen him asleep. It made him look like a child again. She held out her hand, even though he was too far to reach.

"Sev." She whispered. After a moment, his dark eyes opened. They landed on her hand, and she beckoned to him. The darkness in his eyes faded then, and warmth rushed in.


End file.
